


sugar and smoke rings

by fadesight (orphan_account)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Jeno is in love with Jaemin, M/M, Mark and Donghyuck are mentioned, Smoking, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 10:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21509896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/fadesight
Summary: jeno feels like he's an open book when it comes to jaemin, he can't help it though.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	sugar and smoke rings

jeno never thought that the act of smoking could be pretty — until he sees jaemin doing it. he doesn’t mean to romanticise the act, he knows it’s death on a stick but jaemin looks so pretty doing it.

they’re in his room, jaemin lying down on the floor across from him with his eyes closed, smoke appearing between his parted lips slowly, looking so pretty that jeno’s heart hurts. the light casted from jeno’s nightlight falls perfectly on his face, creating a delicate silhouette that took jeno’s breath away. jaemin is breathtaking and jeno couldn’t do anything but admire him.

jaemin’s eyelashes flutter, jeno casts his head down and takes a drag of his own cigarette.

“have hyuck told you that he’s dating mark lee now?” jaemin’s voice rang through the room, above the music blasting softly from the speaker. jeno looks up and there jaemin is, looking straight at him with stars in his eyes and lips pulling up into a lazy smile.

“mark lee? as in _the_ mark lee? the one he’s been crushing on for years?” jaemin laughs and nods excitedly, jeno doesn’t think about how pretty jaemin’s laugh is and how he could never get over how it resounds in his head. jaemin sits up slowly and jeno _really_ doesn’t think about how close they are now, knees touching against each other.

“yeah, can you believe it? i saw them making out when i barged into hyuck’s bedroom, then he told me. i didn’t know how hyuck managed it but i’m happy for him,” jeno just nods in response and jaemin stubs out his cigarette. jeno notices that jaemin has this habit whenever he stubs out his cigarette, he crushes the ashes left with the stub until they turned to soft dusts and then he plays around with it. jeno can’t say that it’s the most hygienic habit but it’s cute, jaemin’s cute. or maybe he’s just whipped.

they fall to a comfortable silence, jaemin takes up to playing with his phone. jeno finishes his cigarette and stares at jaemin.

jeno almost laughs at how pathetic he’s being, how he can’t keep his eyes off of jaemin. it really is not his fault though, jaemin’s distracting. wherever jaemin went, eyes always follow along him and jeno’s are no exceptions. maybe it’s because of how his presence just demands attention or maybe it’s because the loud sound of his laughter and the brightness of his smile that made people fall. jeno really is not an exception.

he almost laughs at the way he’s so weak for jaemin. he made a promise to himself _and_ to jaemin that he would never fall in love with him. but jeno has never been good at keeping promises. he really is foolish and jaemin is beautiful.

jaemin laughs a little at something in his phone — probably a text from renjun or donghyuck — and his eyes shines, it’s glimmering gold and fuck, jeno really wants to kiss him. jaemin’s lips are cracked but jeno thinks he wont mind kissing his cracked lips, he really wont mind tasting blood from the cracks if it means he’d be kissing jaemin. he thinks that jaemin would taste like cigarette and milkis.

“do i have something on my face, jen?” jaemin looks up suddenly and jeno hopes the hitch on his breath went unnoticed.

_in my ideal world, my lips, but this isn’t it and you wont want it._

“yeah, nana, ugliness,” jeno deadpanned. jaemin throws his head back and laughs, loud and unabashed and jeno could barely catch himself from completely losing it.

jaemin proceeds to throw hit at jeno’s arm, still laughing his sunshine laugh and jeno’s lips pull up at the act. jaemin’s happiness is contagious. it’s impossible not to smile at him being so happy, jeno’s just glad he could have a chance to be the reason behind his laughs and smiles.

“you’re terrible, lee jeno. you’re so lucky you’re my best friend.” jeno laughs, ignoring the way his chest constricts painfully. _best friend_ , jaemin is so close yet so far away from jeno’s reach. at least he’s something, it’s better than being a stranger admiring jaemin from afar. jeno would rather be a best friend to jaemin than nothing at all.

he opts for a, “am i really lucky though?” as a response which triggers another bout of laughter — jaemin falls onto him this time and jeno prays to whatever gods exist that jaemin wont be able to hear how loud his heartbeat is — and a mumbled _‘fuck you’_ against jeno’s shoulder.

jaemin’s laughter died down but he doesn’t move. he just cuddled up closer to jeno until he’s seated on his lap, his face on the crook of jeno’s neck. jaemin has always smelt like vanilla; sweet, inviting, and so _jaemin_.

“hyuckie looks so in love when he talks about mark, do you think i’d be able to experience that?” jaemin pauses. he seems to be thinking about what he wants to say next, so jeno waits. jaemin’s voice is soft when he asks, “have you ever be in love, jen?”

jeno took a deep breath and move his hand to jaemin’s hair before answering, “i don’t know, nana, why do you ask?”

“how do you think it’d feel like?“

jeno really wants to answer that being in love feels like holding jaemin close, like having jaemin against him while playing with his hair. but he doesn’t. he can’t risk losing jaemin.

“i don’t know if you’re up for clichés, nana,” jaemin mumbled a _‘just answer it’_ against his neck and jeno _definitely didn’t_ shiver. “i think it would depend on whether the person you love loves you back or not. i think it’d feel amazing if they love you back. i think it’d feel like you’re walking on clouds and soaring through air. i know it sounds cliché but that’s what i think being loved back by the person you love would feel like. imagine handing your heart to someone and having them receive it with steady hands and gentle smile. being in love is like trusting your heart to someone, right? of course you’d want them to take a good care of it. but, one sided love, on the other hand,” jeno took a breath. _is this worth it?_

“one sided love would tear your heart apart, i think. you’ll be torn between being either happy or angry at everything the person does. happy because they’re them and you’re in love with them but angry because, because they’re them and they’re perfect and you can’t have them. you’ll be so angry that they’re so close yet so far away from your reach at the same time. i guess love could be funny. it could make you miss someone you never have, it could make you think of things that are far fetched, out of reach. love could make you angry at someone for being them yet content at the fact that they’re there and they’re them. i guess it’s true when people say love is a double sided sword, it just depends on which end you’re dealing.”

jeno realises he was rambling and he has to forcefully stop himself before he went too far, before he spilled out his heart’s secret and lay it out in front of jaemin when he doesn’t want it. jeno doesn’t even realise that jaemin is now sitting up straight — eye level with him, doesn’t even realise that he’s been gripping jaemin’s pink sweater tightly like he’s holding on to a life line. doesn’t realise that his eyes are glassy.

jaemin just looks at him. eyes attentive on his face, picking up clues. jaemin has always been good at that, jeno doesn’t want to know whether it’s because jaemin is perceptive or because he is an open book when it comes to jaemin.

jeno just stares back.

“are you in love right now?” jaemin’s whisper and jeno’s treacherous heart skips a beat despite it all.

“what do you think, nana?”

jeno knows he’s risking everything. risking his friendship with jaemin, risking — but he can’t find himself to stop and jaemin wont give him a chance to back out, not when he’s come this far. maybe if it all goes wrong, he can finally move on from jaemin. maybe jaemin would hate him for breaking his promise after this and jaemin might never speak to him again.

there’s a hollowing in jeno’s chest at the thought of _his_ jaemin never talking to him again, but for what all of this is worth, at least he’d get to tell him what he felt.

jeno can see the cogs in jaemin’s head working, and when jaemin’s eyes widen for a fraction for a split second, jeno wills his heart to _please_ stop beating.

“ _oh_.”

it’s just a small exhale from jaemin and jeno just knows jaemin figured it out. he was kind of expecting himself to feel scared or nervous, but on the contrary somehow he just feels calm. jeno doesn’t know if he’s actually calm or is it the fact that he has slowly numbing himself from the pain of the rejection that he knows would come after this.

“look, nana, i’m sorry. i’m in love with you, and i’m sorry. i know you don’t want any of this and i get it, i understand. i’m sorry for shoving this all to you so suddenly and—” jeno stops short when he hears jaemin giggling to himself, jaemin’s face is flushed pink and the tears that roll down his eyes shines under the lights in jeno’s room. he looks like an angel and god fucking damn it jeno is mesmerized.

“it’s okay, jen. it’s really okay.” jaemin just smiles at him and jeno is _so_ confused. jaemin probably sees the confused glint in jeno’s eyes because he just grins at jeno.

jaemin leans in.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this whole thing in one sitting and i wasn't even thinking so this is a whole mess. but thankyou for reading and i hope you enjoyed it!


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